Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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