i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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