my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
