I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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