peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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