I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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