Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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