i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
