im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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