her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
