Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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