After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
