that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
