Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
