His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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