I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
