He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
