Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
