I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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