Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's blow job season.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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