Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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