You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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