He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
