I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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