Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
