Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
