I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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