I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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