Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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