And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
