so explain again why im purple
no
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
