We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
