oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
