I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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