he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
