It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
