Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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