there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
