I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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