I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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