This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
