she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize