I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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