guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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