Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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