Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
