Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
