My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
