can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
