so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
