at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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