she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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